


Someday

by liamthebastard



Series: Watching Over Us [1]
Category: Infernal Devices - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Angst, F/M, Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-21
Updated: 2012-12-21
Packaged: 2017-11-21 23:02:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/603043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/liamthebastard/pseuds/liamthebastard
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tessa wakes to her first morning as Jem's wife to a terrible shock. "There are some days dark and bitter Seems we haven't got a prayer But a prayer for someday better Is one thing we all share"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Someday

The sun shone in through the windows of the Institute, waking Tessa gently. She stretched happily, looking forward to her first day as a married woman. After a moment she rolled over, running her fingers along Jem's cheekbone. Her hand jerked back. Why was he so cold? Tessa leapt up, clutching a sheet about her bare body while she ran around the bed.

"Jem? Jem? James!" she shouted, shaking him with one hand, and slapping his cheek with the other. It became clear he wasn't opening his eyes. "WILL!" Tessa screamed, falling to her knees with the sheet wrapped around her.

Will burst inside, his hair still mussed from sleep and his eyes blurred. "Tessa? Is something wrong I- Oh, God, no." He rushed over to the bed, turning Jem's head so it faced the ceiling. "Not Jem. Not Jem." He kept repeating it as he checked for a pulse. Tessa knew from his face what he found. "Nothing."

He turned slowly, like he was coming out of a dream. "Tessa. Put on a dressing gown. I'm going to get Charlotte and Henry." He left the room.

Tessa stayed where she was, with the white sheet still pooling around her. How ironic that she should be wrapped in white this morning, the Nephilim mourning color and the mortal wedding color. How was it she had slept while Jem had slipped out of this world? Shouldn't something –anything- have woken her? Something that would have pulled her out of her dreams and allowing her to say goodbye?

A warm hand touched her bare shoulder. "Tess. Tess, please, come away now." She looked up, and found dark blue eyes staring down at her. Her entire body shook as Will helped her to her feet and led her out of that terrible room. "Here," Will said, having her sit down. "I'll find you something to wear."

She looked around numbly, and realized he had taken her up to the attic, to his room. He pressed some fabric into her hand and graciously stepped outside so she could change. Only after she'd let the fabric slip on did she realize it was men's clothing, a white shirt and snug brown pants. They were too small to have been Will's. They were Jem's.

Her hand flew to her stomach as if there was a physical explanation for the terrible pain and emptiness inside her. A sound like a dying bird escaped her choked throat and she collapsed onto the edge of the bed. One hand remained clutched to her stomach while the other firmly covered her mouth while her body rocked back and forth with sobs.

A light knock sounded. "Tess, may I come in now, I thought I h- Oh, Tessa," Will said, rushing in to wrap a comforting arm around her. He sat with her while she sobbed, crying with her and helping her dry her tears. They stayed together for hours, wrapped in mutual mourning, and when they finally returned downstairs, they clung to each other like frightened children.

Slowly the months went by. Some days dragged, and the nights were long. Tessa barely slept, and Will often joined her on her nighttime wanderings of the Institute halls. Neither of them ever strayed near Jem's room. His funeral had been held, and his things moved, but still his memory haunted the Institute. Sometimes Tessa would wake up in the night and think she heard his violin. Other times, Will would turn to say something, then freeze in surprise when he didn't see a silver head turned to hear him. Nothing helped lessen the pain for him, not even the comfort of his family.

The only things Tessa could find comfort in were Will and her growing stomach. It seemed that one night had been enough; she was due to give birth to the next Carstairs. She and Will often sat together on the roof, Will helping her to sit when her stomach became so swollen with child only her stubbornness kept him from forcing her to stay inside.

"I suppose I'm not truly a warlock," Tessa remarked sadly one afternoon, laying a hand on her stomach. She winced lightly as the baby kicked, and then turned a rare smile to Will. Her smiles were few and far between, and almost exclusively for Will. Charlotte and Henry were preoccupied with their baby, and when they mourned they did so privately. Tessa and Will wore their sorrow proudly and openly, allowing their tears to flow when they came.

"What do you mean?" Will asked, not looking away from the sky. Somewhere up there, he thought, was Jem, laughing and smiling down at them. I'll take care of her, Jem, and your child. I promise.

"I mean, I'm due any day now," Tessa said, gesturing to her belly. "Clearly, either the Codex is wrong, or I'm not a warlock."

"You were never a warlock to me, Tess. You're something nobody's ever seen before," Will replied, glancing towards Tessa. He hated himself for the quickening of his pulse, the desire he still held for her, even though he could never -would never- have her.

There was silence on the roof for a time, as both of them simply watched the sky, each lost in their own thoughts and personal grief. "I hope it looks like him," Tessa said finally, her eyes never leaving the horizon. "The baby I mean. It would… help somehow, I think."

Will thought for a moment. "I think the baby will help no matter what it looks like. It will bring some joy back. Heaven knows we need it." Tessa cried out, and Will leapt up, hovering over her protectively.

"William," Tessa pushed out between clenched teeth. "I think you ought to go fetch Charlotte now." Will looked around in bewilderment, and then he noticed the pool of water, steadily spreading out around Tessa. Her hands were fists at her sides and the sheen of sweat was beginning over her forehead.

Quickly, Will helped her into his room and he ran down the stairs, banging on doors and shouting through the corridors. "Charlotte! Henry! Cecily! Sophie! Come quickly, it's time!" Soon, the residents of the Institute were all gathered in the attic, peering anxiously around the bed while Sophie hauled water and sponged the sweat away from Tessa's forehead.

Tessa clasped at Will's hand, and when Charlotte tried to shoo the menfolk out of the room, she refused to relinquish her grip. With a scream and a push a new life entered the world. Charlotte cleaned up and swaddled the baby before presenting her to Tessa.

Completely spent from childbirth, Tessa's hand had gone limp in Will's grasp. The baby was placed in Tessa's waiting arms, and she sighed happily, gazing into the child's luminous face. Eyes and hair like pure silver, just like Jem.

"It's a girl," Charlotte said quietly, before she stepped out of the room. Will and Tessa gazed in silent wonderment at the baby's face.

"She looks just like you, but with Jem's coloring," Will said, and for once the name of parabatai didn't hurt as it crossed his lips. He smiled down at the little girl, who stared up at him as if she already knew him. "What will you name her?" he asked, looking to Tessa. She'd never looked so lovely, hair plastered to her face and her breath coming quickly as her skin glowed in the low light.

"I think I'll name her… Jemma. Jemma Carstairs," Tessa sighed quietly, gazing entranced at her daughter's face. Will smiled with genuine joy, completely free from grief.

"Jemma. It's perfect. She's perfect," Will proclaimed. Tessa beamed up at him, and it suddenly occurred to him what they would look like to an outsider. A family. For a moment, his heart stopped in fear. Then, he heard Jem's voice in his mind. William. I want you both happy. It's all right.

Tessa's smile softened, and he knew she had heard the same voice. "Jemma does need a father," Tessa commented quietly. Her eyes were shy, her voice a mix of pain and joy.

"That is true," Will conceded. They looked at each other for a moment, and they each seemed to reach the same conclusion. "Not yet," he said, "but someday. When we're both ready."

"Someday," Tessa agreed. He helped her rise from the bed, taking the baby while she stood and guiding her to the door where the members of the Institute waited anxiously.

"Jemma," he said as he opened the door, and Tessa proudly displayed the infant. Cecily, Sophie and Charlotte cooed over her as if she were the first child to ever be born, and Henry clapped Will on the shoulder, looking him in the eye with an expression that said he understood exactly what had happened behind the door.

Not today, Will thought quietly, taking in the sight of the group and the beautiful mother at the center of the hubbub, but someday.


End file.
